walking in the sunlight of love

www.phunme.blogspot.com

Many amazing, inspiring women who have succeeded beyond their dreams in other areas of life remain unfulfilled, anxious, even outright miserable, when it comes to the part of their lives that's supposed to "fill them up" and give them the most boundless bliss, joy and peace... their love lives.
if "Mr. Right" is already in our lives, I know what it's like to constantly puzzle over why his behavior is so inconsistent toward us, or confusing, or frustrating, or (worst of all) non-committal. We feel like we don't have the first clue where to find the right kind of help to escape these doubts and insecurities, or whether it will work for us and our very personal relationship challenges. All of which is why, if you feel lost in the shadows when it comes to your future love life while other women seem to walk in the sunlight of loving, lasting relationships.
You want him to pay more attention to you, call you more, make more dates, spend more time You want him to give you more gifts, more and better sex, more affection You want more commitment It can mean you want more of anything that feels important to you - now or in the future.

 So, how do you ask a man for MORE without making him feel defensive (as though you're accusing him of giving you too little, (which you actually, really are!) - and get what you want?
                 5 Steps To Getting What You Need From Him
 There are so many possible things you can be feeling that you'll need to express in order to get what you need from him - so let's make it a simple 5 Steps:
 Step 1: Get Grounded Start by sitting down with yourself, breathing on purpose to calm your mind, to get a little clearer about what you want to do here. Put your feet on the floor, and feel your toes (even through shoes) making contact with the "ground." Make sure you can give yourself as much time as you need for this so you don't feel rushed. Also, be VERY aware of the Nasty Voices in your head that keep judging you for even spending time on yourself this way, if you don't make yourself "valuable" to yourself - it'll be way harder to get valued by a man
 Step 2: Make A List Write down all the things you want MORE of. This step is important: Leave LOTS of room down the page for each item, because you're going to be writing scripts around each one - you can even use a whole side of a sheet of paper for each item... Get started by writing down whatever comes to you. Whatever you're angry at, whatever you feel he's giving you too LITTLE of: If it's "not enough" calls and contact, write that down any way you can. If it's affection and sex - write that down any way you feel it. For each item, write down how you FEEL about this "lack" of something, or "longing for more of something, even if it's blaming him or yourself. The important thing is to just get it out and down on paper. The IMPORTANT thing here is for you to actually get truly honest with yourself about what you WANT and what you're missing, and what you want MORE of. Now...
 Step 3: Start TRANSLATING This step is still just for you - right now we're just getting prepared to speak to an in-the-flesh man by getting some personal scripts going.R ewrite it by taking out every single "you" in what you've written, and change every action word from something he did or didn't do to something you feel. That could look like: "You never call me!" turned to: "I feel better when I get called." Or, "I feel good when I hear your voice." It could look like: "You never want to have sex anymore!" turned to: "It would feel good to have sex with you," or, "It would feel good to feel your naked body next to mine," or, "It would feel good to have more sex..." After you've gone through your entire list, and turned everything from an angry accusation or judgment to a pure expression of what would feel good to you - you have the beginnings of a real script for each thing you want MORE of!
 Step 4: Now PRACTICE Face a mirror and practice saying the script for each item on your list to yourself in the mirror. While you're speaking out loud to yourself in the mirror - tilt your body backwards a bit (away from the mirror), and focus your attention on "tracking" the tension and sensations your body's feeling. That could look like making sure your shoulders are relaxed...and your arms are hanging down by your sides with your palms turned outward toward yourself in the mirror. Position yourself in the room as though he's standing about five feet from you, in an imaginary situation that feels familiar to you. Practice breathing and relaxing your body while you speak to him. Practice leaning back with your body slightly tilted away from him, practice breathing while you imagine what he's saying back to you. Now practice responding to what ever you're imagining he's saying to you. (Amazingly, once you begin doing this you'll notice that you really can predict exactly what he's going to say!) He most often says exactly the same thing. Over and over and over again. And you are most likely thinking and saying the same things over and over again, too. So what's going to happen here? Something different! So...
 Step 5: Be Surprised! You're going to say something different, and he's going to respond slightly differently. And even if he doesn't - if he says the same thing he always says, or gets defensive the way he always does - you'll have a script to speak to him no matter WHAT he says! Also, you're going to feel so much more confident.